A personal blog post; these always seem to crop up when i’m feeling sorry for myself - it tends to revolve around the massive ball ache that is my eye disease and this post is no different, so sorry for boring you all :)
Yeah, so this last few weeks. FUCKIN HELL. What a nightmare.
I was diagnosed with my eye disease, keratoconus, ten years ago; for the first five years I managed fine, barely even noticed a problem, was able to easily read, use computer and get by in life perfectly fine. In fact, I virtually forgot that I had it, then one day I woke up in the middle of the night with the most intense pain in my eye, like a small monkey had climbed onto my cornea and started stabbing it with a schimitar made of the finest steel. Within probably a month my vision in my left eye had virtually completely deteriorated.
Not a massive deal, my right eye was still functioning fine. I got myself various hospital appointments, eye scanning and prodding and poking and got myself some RGP contact lenses sorted. Glasses can’t correct the sight of Keratoconus because of the distortion of the cornea; unfortunately neither can soft contacts, so hard plastic things in the eye it was. However, putting these in your eye is like putting a piano into your eye, it just isn’t what the body intended; I just couldn’t have them in for longer than 2 hours a day before intense pain forced me to rip them out.
The years went by, I suppose my sight gradually got worse but it wasn’t particularly noticable and I just got on with it. I’ve had poor vision for a long time but it hasn’t been poor enough to really stop me needing to do what I’ve needed to do. Over the last few weeks, however, the pain has come back and this time in my right eye - my heart absolutely sank when it happened as I always knew that this affliction would eventually overtake both my eyes, but would always hide from it and just hope it never happened. Within the course of a few days my vision has got so bad, i’m struggling to do basic things and although I have a hospital appointment in the waiting, they tend to take a few months to come through.
I might sound like I’m going over the top and being really dramatic as many people around the world cope with this disease perfectly well and lead perfectly normal lives, but I feel that it’s taken hold of me fairly aggressively, I think it’s developed past the point of the average keratoconus sufferer and I only see complications in the future.
I just can’t see how I will get on with the RGP contacts, my eyes physically rejected them before, why would it be any different now? I’m dreading the words ‘cornea transplant’, as it’s treatment has proven to produce inconsistent results and just generally a mentally stressful situation.
One things for certain, I have to stand up and properly tackle this, starting from now, instead of hiding from it. I’m extremely sad at the moment, probably the saddest I’ve ever been, knowing that I will have to change my life quite drastically to cater for this is quite a difficult thing to take. I’ve gotta grow some balls and get on with it though. There are extremely worse off people than me in the world.